MY ALLEGED MIND BY NATALIE TURTON

My alleged mind tries its best to choose the right path, prepare, and then daydreams.

Sitting outside on a spring day reminds me of how beautiful this place is in this piece of the world, and I’ve realized how desperately I’ve been grasping for the spring I loved last year in a different beautiful place in a different piece of the world.

Caught up in dreaming of the future, not appreciating the time I have here. Learning to love being alone with myself, and feel worthy of what I aspire to do. Pessimistic or hopelessly optimistic. Can’t you be more realistic?  

Part of my mind knows that there’s a way to be more contented, more at peace, or more comfortable, though another part knows that my aspirations aren’t something to toss aside.

I look ahead to a summer of growing, of learning, of adapting; a fall of preparing, applying, starting my last year off strong; a winter of waiting. Returning to spring, I’ll finally know what the next step is after Miami, and I’m so excited for all of my work to finally pay off.

I may not get my dream job, but I hope that regardless, I’ll be doing something that I enjoy, or that is valuable, or that eventually sets me up for something that I’ll love doing. My optimism could be false hope, but I like to think of it as something that keeps me going, and something that pushes me to work harder.

My alleged mind has carried me through 21 years of life, and I’m so thankful for everything she’s made possible, and will accomplish.

My alleged mind is just trying to have a good time and make it out alive, you know?