WHO IS SHE? BY JENNI BOJANIN

“If you hear a voice within you say: ‘You cannot paint,’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” Van Gogh 

I somehow see her as a grandma. She wants me to be healthy, workout, get good grades, come back to my home town, find a good job, get married and go to church on Sundays. That’s how she imagines an ideal life. She doesn’t see a point in being different and expressing your creativity. 

She thinks she knows what’s best for me. She worries about a wide variety of subjects: the climate change, her GPA, and why her neighbors keep airdropping her to turn the music down.

Her ultimate concerns, though, are: how uncertain the future is and what others think. Its not that I haven’t tried to please her, because I have-over & over again. 

So who is she? My inner gremlin, my biggest critic. I haven’t named her yet because honestly, what does one name a gremlin? 

But she isn’t me. She’s created out of repetitive thoughts, beliefs and habits. She doesn’t possess boundless creativity and imagination.